It’s the seventh of the month, and you know what time it is. Today signaled the release of the third episode of Seven on 7, the digital series set in the world of The Boys that serves to bridge the gap between the events of seasons 2 and 3. As always, we’re here to help you break down and connect the tidbits of propoganda oh so reliable news that VNN is handfeeding us to the bigger picture of events in the show. Without further ado, check out the newest episode and our breakdown below!
Segment 1 – FBSA Cracking Down
The Federal Bureau of Superhuman Affairs seems to be on Vought’s tail, as the agency has seemingly strongarmed Vought into a not-so-joyful partnership to try and root out the “bad apples” — and by bad apples, they mean bloodthirsty, murderous, immoral Supes that do anything they want without consequences. Yeah, those bad apples. Vought doesn’t seem to be too happy, with Stan Edgar failing to make a statement on the matter. Victoria Neuman, however, seems to think that it’s a great step — obviously Coleman doesn’t agree.
“We’ll work together to see that heroes who engage in overaggressive, rogue conduct and unlawful activities are held accountable to the very same laws they claim to uphold.”
Will that statement hold up through season 3, especially knowing Neuman herself is a Supe that’s been using her powers in a not-so-lawful manner? Seems questionable knowing the types of corruption we’re dealing with. Only time will tell.
Segment 2 – Guns and Glamour
We present to you … GalGear! Vought’s newest attempt to pander to the public while trying to appear somewhat socially progressive (spoiler alert, it’s not working). With this extremely pink tactical firearm for women (and some men, as Coleman is quick to add — no toxic masculinity here, no way), Vought’s here to remind you that “just because you need to stay safe doesn’t mean you can’t do it in style.” Barf.
Segment 3 – A-Train on the Track
A-Train’s new single “Faster” is shooting up the charts. But despite the public’s alleged love of the heat A-Train is laying down in the studio (do we ever truly trust Coleman’s pro-Vought statistics? I sure don’t), Coleman reports that fans are itching to see him in back in his natural habitat: a race. Now if you remember, A-Train’s little ol’ ticker isn’t doing so hot. How Vought plans to continue the farce that he’s in peak condition for a race let alone fighting baddies is beyond me, but I guess we’ll have to wait and see.
Segment 4 – Homelander Returns
Homelander seems to be peeking his head out from under the proverbial rock he’s been hiding under (see here for more info) following the debacle at the end of season 2. His first grand appearance? The opening of Vought-A-Burger. Mixing and mingling with the fans, all seemed well as the Supe enjoyed his “signature Big Homie Burger with a side of crispy freedom tots and a vanilla American milkshake.” Somehow, we find it hard to believe that Homelander is over everything, especially considering the mental state we left him in at the end of season 2. We’ll have to wait until season 3 to see if the red, white, and blue covered maniac has truly managed to curtail his rage — spoiler alert, unlikely.
Commercial – Bull**** Vought+ Coming to a Screen Near You
Have you heard of the latest streaming service? Vought+ has everything you need. From all of your favorite Vought Studio Films to “reliable news you can count on” (then why did Cameron Coleman’s face just pop up on my screen?), to all the sports, gossip shows, and diverse stories you can handle, Vought+ has got you covered. Pulling out the big guns with The Seven for advertising, it seems that Vought’s still trying to peddle that inclusivity shtick I see. We know the truth…
Segment 5 – Brave Maeve’s Inclusive Kingdom
Starlight and Queen Maeve teamed up to break ground on a franchise set on breaking barriers. The park formerly known as Brave Maeve’s Battle World has been rebranded into Brave Maeve’s inclusive kingdom. If I didn’t know better, I’d think Vought actually cared about promoting awareness for LGBT+ youth with all this promo they’ve got in place with Maeve. Would it be so bad to hope for the best with their intentions just this one time?
Segment 6 – Popularity on the Rise, Crime on the Fall
A new hero is climbing the ranks of popularity: west coast model Moonshadow. The superheroine, whose brand promotes body positivity, is set to be on the cover of next year’s Vought Sports’ Super Swimsuit Spectacular. But she’s not just a pretty face, she’s also an effective Supe. As Coleman mentions, as her “popularity continues to go up as her city’s crime rate keeps going down.” Is anyone else getting nervous with the introduction of all these new Supes in these specials? Because I know I am.
Segment 7 – Fake News Allegations (From the Fakest of All News Sources)
It seems that Vought continues to deny deny deny any allegations of affiliation with the Sage Grove Center (that little facility that was testing Compund V on adult patients? You know the one). But fear not. Vought is declaring their absolute detest of the unethical treatment these patients suffered by “buying” the facility (can you really buy something that you already owned?) and converting it into a new Global Wellness Center (seen in last month’s episode). I can’t be the only one thinking that these wellness centers are going to turn out to be a real problem in the future, right? Only time will tell.
As Coleman loves to say, “stay true to the red, white, and blue” until next month’s episode (barf). Make sure to check out our breakdowns of the two previous Seven on 7 episodes here.
