Welcome back to the second part of our series breaking down the episodes of Seven on 7, the new web series on Vought News Network (VNN). Set in the universe of The Boys, Seven on 7, hosted by your favorite not-Tucker Carlson, Cameron Coleman, gives a unique look into the events between seasons 2 and 3 of the hit Amazon drama. If you haven’t seen last month’s episode, make sure to check it out along with our breakdown of the short here. Without further ado, let’s take a peek at what unspeakably terrible deeds fun shenanigans Vought and America’s favorite heroes have been up to since the last newscast with this month’s episode of Seven on 7.
Segment 1 – Fame Coming At Him With Supersonic Speed?
Supersonic (who fans got a peek at a few months ago after some set pictures got leaked), formerly known as Drummer Boy, seems to be climbing the proverbial hero charts in terms of popularity. Perhaps in the wake of all the drama with The Seven, there’s a vacuum of sorts for up-and-coming, newly squeaky clean Supes (and yes, you know we use that term lightly). And with this rise in fame comes a rise in rumors, as questions begin to arise about him and Starlight (who shared a teen romance) rekindling their relationship. Is this just Vought rumors, or does it signal trouble in paradise with Petit Hughie, though they left off on a good note at the end of season 2? Only time will tell. One thing you have to admit is that it’s rare to see a Supe’s troubles (former, if VNN is to be believed) so openly aired out. I, for one, don’t trust it — or him for that matter.
Segment 2 – Is Starlight Burning Out?
It seems that rumors have been a-swirling among fans that Starlight is “burning both ends of the candle.” The general consensus seems to be that she seems exhausted. But of course, Coleman chalks those rumors up to fake news and throws in some blame on local law enforcement for not doing their jobs well enough to boot. Moves and countermoves indeed. Whatever has got our dear Starlight dimming if the rumors are to be believed eludes us, though we can think of a few problems that were set up for season 3, including the disintegration of the Church of the Collective and one miss V. Neuman’s explosive new hobby.
Segment 3 – Renouncing the Fresca Faith
And speaking of the Church of the Collective, it seems that The Deep finally got tired of drinking the Kool-Aid Fresca. Following Eagle the Archer’s lead, he is now the newest Supe to turn his back on the organization, making public claims of psychological manipulation, corporate corruption, and “an unholy obsession” with the organization’s patented drink (can’t argue with that). And on top of it all, it seems that Alistair Adana is still missing… I wonder why. Cough, Victoria Neuman, cough.
Segment 4 – “Wall for Nothing”
Hands Across America? More like Hands for Homelander. Some Homelander fans have landed themselves a trip to the hospital after joining hands to create a human wall on the Mexican border in El Paso. It seems that standing in the Texas heat for hours on end results in severe sunstroke and dehydration. Who would’ve thought? Their motive? Trying to “do their part to keep out super terrorists.” Of course, Coleman sends thoughts and prayers to these brave heroes on behalf of VNN.
Commercial – Global Wellness Center by Vought
This week’s ad brought to you by Vought is for… therapy? Hey, not that I don’t agree. Some of these Supes need it, but when has Vought ever been out to truly help people? In this ad for the wellness center that Supersonic attended for rehab (throwback to segment 1), the target audience seems to be Supes who have fallen out of the limelight and into the habit of some dangerous vices (alcohol, adrenochrome-laced cocaine, heroin enemas, and vase making. The usual, you know?). With catchy lines like “Even heroes need saving sometimes,” and “There’s no super without ‘U’,” I’d be interested to see just how these “heroes” are being “helped.” Because if there’s one thing I know, it’s that there’s always a twist with Vought.
Segment 5 – To V or Not to V? That is the Question
The general consensus appears to be not, as an immediate halt on the production of Compound V has been put into place in lieu of “further testing.” I mean, are you really surprised? The public backlash since it was discovered heroes aren’t born, they’re made (thanks to the “sharing of illegally obtained documents” according to Coleman… it’s ok, we appreciate The Boys even if VNN doesn’t) would have some consequences — especially in the wake of Stormfront’s treachery.
CEO Stan Edgar had the following to say about the matter.
“While recent, unfounded claims have been directed towards our product, Vought remains committed to our customers. We will continue to deliver the level of quality and excellence we’re known for and use this time to recalibrate and improve, as we look towards a brighter future.”
Sounds like a load of BS to me. How long this moratorium will last remains to be seen, especially in the face of the anti-Supe terrorist rhetoric that Vought and its sycophants are pushing so hard.
Segment 6 – Brave Maeve Helping Her Community
Spotted: Queen Maeve has attended the openings of two new Vought LGBT Teen Centers in Minneapolis and St Paul, Minnesota. Vought’s has been applauded for its work supporting the community, especially the opening of “explore your pronouns boys, girls, trans, and nonbinary summer camps.” Supporting the LGBTQIA+ community is always a plus, but one can’t help but wonder how much of this is a carefully concocted PR stunt like we’ve seen in the works back in season 2.
Segment 7 – Leaving Retirement in the Dust
It’s official. A-Train is back in The Seven and is even gearing up for another race. How that’s supposed to work out with his bum heart from all that Compound V usage is beyond me, but it seems that only time will tell. With A-Train’s return to the spotlight comes speculation about a mysterious new rival for the speedster. The one consensus on the buzz is that fans are thrilled to see him back in action.
As always, there’s a lot going on in the world of The Boys. Stay tuned for the next episode of Seven on 7 and our breakdown on September 7. In the meantime, stay tuned for more updates and make sure to check out all of our coverage related to The Boys (including recaps) here.
