Episode 5 of What We Do in the Shadows marks the halfway point for the series’ fourth season on FX, and there is simply no preparing for the wild sequence of events and utter chaos that unfolds. In “Private School,” the household considers sending an out-of-control “Colin Robinson” to private school. If you’re worried you missed a detail or two, check out our recap of the episode below!
Out of Control
The creature that crawled out of the chest cavity of dead Colin Robinson is around 9-years-old now and is completely out of control. The Boy would rather play pranks on the housemates rather than practice his routines for the club, and Guillermo is having to constantly chase the child around to keep him alive. Despite the insistence from Laszlo that this is how normal human children behave, the vampires are sick of the behavior. Guillermo suggests that they send the Boy to public school, which the vampires are very against.
All of this turmoil leads to Nadja asking Guillermo how the nightclub is doing, and Guillermo avoids answering her question, insisting that they need the money to make home repairs. Laszlo suggests Nandor uses one of his remaining Djinn wishes to repair the house, but it turns out the Djinn is legally prohibited from making home repairs.
Maybe he’s born with it (maybe it’s way too many Djinn wishes)
Nandor looks…different, and it’s not something simple like a haircut. He’s clearly had some sort of work done around his eyes — like plucking his eyebrows too thin, or a facelift — regardless of what he had done, he is refusing to tell the other vampires. The cameras catch him in a private conversation with the Djinn where he says that he wished for the wrinkles around his eyes to disappear, and while he is happy with the result, he wants more.
While performing at the club one night, the Boy stops his performance to speak with some children in the audiences — though of course those “children” are supernatural and actually over 100 years old. Laszlo comes to terms with the fact that the Boy needs social interaction with other actual children, but still refuses to send him to public school.
On another night, the vampires’ neighbor Sean returns after he brings the Boy back to the vampires after finding him knocking holes in his house. Noticing the vampires are looking at brochures for private schools, Sean brings up that he also went to private school as a child — Helen Country Day School. Laszlo makes the decision that this is the school the Boy will attend, as he is certain he will turn out okay based on how Sean turned out.
Normal Human Humans
Sean sets up a meeting with the headmaster of Helen Country Day School. Before the meeting, Guillermo tells the vampires to act human — which they overdo, of course, as per usual, dressing in their most human clothes. Guillermo tells them to change and wear their least vampire-y vampire clothes to the meeting, and only Nadja disagrees, choosing to wear her pink dress and hair up (she looks fabulous and you can’t convince me otherwise!).
As soon as the headmaster shows up for the meeting, things get wild. The vampires are having a difficult time answering the very simple interview questions, so Nadja compels the headmaster and Sean so the vampires can get their story straight. The biggest question, of course, is who the Boy’s parents are. After going through several scenarios of pairings between the vampires and Guillermo, Sal Vulcano from Impractical Jokers is eventually brought in to pose as the Boy’s father … though Sal doesn’t last very long, because Laszlo thinks he’s annoying.
By the end of the meeting, both the headmaster and Sean have insane headaches due to the amount of compulsion Nadja has had to put them under to answer simple questions — most of which are answered by Guillermo, who is the only one who really knows anything about the Boy. The headmaster asks for the Boy’s transcripts, and while the vampires don’t know what that is at all, Guillermo steps in to say he’ll have them sent the next day — once again being the one to actually handle everything.
Cash Rules Everything Around Me (And Guillermo)
Guillermo calls his guidance counselor from school and bribes him into creating a fake transcript for Colin, using nightclub money to do so. After he picks up the transcript he tells the camera crew he’s going for a walk and says goodbye, though the camera crew follow him in secret. What they witness is Guillermo climbing into a nice red car and driving to the apartment building where his mother lives, which has multiple delivery trucks outside as men carry new appliances into the apartment. Yes, Guillermo is embezzling nightclub money.
When his mom embraces him in a hug Guillermo finally discovers the camera crew has followed him. He runs to the truck and attempts to explain that he takes money as payment for his services in the house and at the club (okay, that’s actually fair). Guillermo attempts to buy the camera crew’s silence, but no one will take the money.
Laszlo and Nadja inform everyone that the headmaster suffered a stroke from the hypnosis they put him through repeatedly during the meeting, so they’re opting to go with Plan B — which is simply enrolling the Boy into every children’s sports league in the community. The sports leagues keep him busy and he’s too tired for pranks when he gets home. Nandor comes clean about his face work, saying he did it for his undead fiancé Marwa … but he went too far and his face has seen better days. He uses a wish for the Djinn to return his face to the way it was before the first wish. Laszlo tells Nandor he needs to lay off the plastic surgery.
Our coverage for season 4 of What We Do in the Shadows, including recaps for each episode, can be found here. Episodes air weekly on Tuesdays on FX and are available to stream on Hulu.