It’s time to ring in the new year with the final episode of VNN’s Seven on 7! If you’re new here (first of all where have you been?), Seven on 7 is a digital series set in the world of The Boys that serves to bridge the gap between the events of seasons 2 and 3. Here at Nerds & Beyond, we’ve been helping you break down and connect all the storyline threads, tidbits, and 100% unbiased and true events demonstrated through “real and honest journalism” — or at least that’s what Coleman likes to say — that VNN is hand-feeding us to the bigger picture of events in the show. Without further ado, check out the seventh episode of Seven on 7 and our breakdown below!
But Then Their Numbers Came Up and They Were Gone With the Draft
Vought’s Annual Hero Draft (because that’s apparently a thing) draws nigh. Drawing on collegiate Supe-r seniors from Godolkin University (as in John Godolkin from the comics? Evil leader of the G-Men John Godolkin?), these picks determine what Supes will rise to their touted glorified potential and get (lucratively) contracted to protect a city. I don’t know why I’m surprised that there are contracts for these types of thing… Vought is nothing if not meticulous about their money. Apparently, this is a big deal, as alumni and members (former members in The Deep’s case?) Queen Maeve, A-Train, and The Deep were all drafted to New York in their college days. Miami, Cleveland, and Los Angeles are the big cities up for grabs this year. Despite this hubbub, Godolkin junior Golden Boy is all the buzz, even though he’s not eligible for the drafts until next year. Y’all know I get nervous when they bring up new Supes. We’ll have to wait and see how this one pans out.
The Tiniest Hero’s Biggest Mission of All
The tiny Supe Termite, who has the ability to shrink to the size of a bug (hmmm, I wonder why that sounds familiar), will be making his debut on the screens of Vought+ users across the globe in his new movie Pocket Romance. In the film, Termite and toy store owner Dolly (the jokes write themselves at this point) have an atypical meet-cute in the middle of Termite’s undercover mission, and hilarity and romance ensue. As Coleman says, “No matter how small you are, finding true love may be the biggest mission of all.” I can just hear Coleman projecting that thought at his mancrush Homelander, can’t you guys?
Red White and Blue Hawk
Supe Blue Hawk (who was previously mentioned in episode 6 in connection to OurSheet) has cropped back up. This time, the New Jersey-based hero is taking on a different type of propaganda on his all-new show Red White and Blue Justice. This unscripted “gritty reality series” (Ashley back on her PR grind, I see. I’ll pray for her hair) will see the Supe bringing law and order to the streets of Trenton, NJ. I don’t know if they’re trying to make this the new COPS, but let’s all pray it doesn’t run that long.
Fair and Balanced Journalism Leading, Leading, Censorship, Leading
In the name of fair and balanced reporting (which VNN is totally big on), our friend Cameron Coleman invited the one and only FBSA Senior Analyst Hugh Campbell (or as I like to call him, Petit G-Man Hughie) to speak on the behalf of the FBSA and the work it’s been doing since the agency’s establishment. Seems like he didn’t get enough rubbing elbows with him at that party, eh?
Of course, Coleman starts in with the inquisition immediately, asking “why the FBSA hates superheroes”… yikes. Hughie valiantly tries to defend the FBSA, attempting to focus on how Supe-related crimes and collateral damage have gone down, but Cameron is not having it. The
conversation interrogation circles around to Ezekiel (check out episode 4 for some background on what they’re talking about) before things get heated and Cameron yells for Hughie’s mic to be cut. Not that he got a fair chance to speak, but VNN got the upper hand in that one. You’ll get ’em next time, Hughie.
Buster Beaver’s Pizza Resataurant
Talk about a tone shift. In what is arguably the oddest commercial yet, we go from yelling at Hughie to… pizza (oddly reminiscent of Chuck E. Cheese if we’re being honest)? Not really sure what this has to do with anything, but I’d really love to see some of these smaller inane bits from Seven on 7 get worked into season 3 (which there’s some news about at the end).
Crimson Countess’ Chimp Country
Jane Goodall? Nah, Crimson Countess. The former member of Payback is opening a new chimpanzee sanctuary right outside of New York City (putting her in the proximity of all our favorite characters). Turning to crowdsourcing to finance the project, the Supe is offering autographed photos, vintage merch, and limited meet and greets to sit in on the recording of her new single “Chimps Don’t Cry”… who is managing these peoples’ music ventures, because they need to be fired immediately.
Starlight Turning On the Searchlight for Newest Members of The Seven
VNN has received an exclusive tip that Vought is starting its search for the newest members of The Seven… through reality TV? American Hero will see Supes Luckless, Livewire, Jet Streak, Europo, Moonshadow, Lone Star, Critter, Silver Kincaid (many people speculate that Cindy — yes, Sage Grove Cindy — is the TV show counterpart of this character, so it’ll be interesting to see what’s happening there), Pit Stop, and Starlight’s ex-boyfriend Supersonic compete for the two open slots on the team. Seeing how Starlight is the host of the competition, things could get real awkward real fast… Not to mention, despite their status at the end of season 2, we’re not sure if Hughie and Annie will still be together at the beginning of season 3. Will sparks or blood fly as this competition inevitably gets out of hand in some form or fashion? We’ll find out soon, as the Supes are already moved into the American Hero mansion.
The Apology Tour Continues
Homelander has issued another public apology in his keynote speech at the Vought International Shareholder’s Conference. While Coleman seems all too ready to forgive him, imploring the public for some compassion and gratitude on the Supe’s behalf (that’s right Cameron, you defend your man), is the continued apology tour indicative that the public’s favor is not turned towards Homelander at the moment? It’s almost as if dating a literal neo-Nazi is a sign of an egregious moral flaw… oh wait.
Goodbye… For Now
Yes, this is technically an eighth segment. But with the news that this will be the last episode of Seven on 7, I think it’s okay to say screw the rules at this point. After receiving top honors at Vought National News Awards, Coleman has received a full-hour time slot on VNN. While this sadly does signal the end of Seven on 7, fans won’t be deprived of Coleman’s cheeky face and questionable commentary in The Boys season 3, as he’ll be appearing on his new show, The Cameron Coleman Hour. In the words of Coleman, “from those red white and blue ashes, a mighty Ameican phoenix will rise.”
Though this chapter closes, we’re that much closer to another one opening. The season 3 premiere date of The Boys was also not-so-coincidentally released today. A big thank you to all of the people who stuck around and supported this series. Stay tuned for more news on The Boys.