by Brianna
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On this day 11 years ago Castiel stepped through those ancient barn doors and forever changed the Winchesters’ world. Castiel, played by Misha Collins, first graced our screens in season four of Supernatural on Sept 18, 2008, and he has since become a vital part of Sam and Dean’s family. From the moment he arrived, Castiel has undoubtedly carved his way into the hearts of fans everywhere with his unique personality and blunt nature providing some truly hilarious one-liners and especially sassy comebacks throughout the years. In celebration of 11 years of Castiel, we are highlighting 11 of his sassiest comebacks.
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1) “I found a liquor store…. and I drank it.”
What happens when you combine Cas’ already blunt personality with alcohol? One of the sassiest scenes we have ever witnessed. With the apocalypse quickly approaching and no way to stop it Cas decides to get drunk. Really, really drunk. He shows up in Sam and Dean’s hotel room, and Sam notices something isn’t quite right. “Are… are you drunk?” Sam asks, to which Cas quickly says, “No!” then concedes, “Yes.” Sam asks what happened and Cas’s reply is heavy with annoyance, “I found a liquor store.” Sam doesn’t see the correlation and asks, “And?” Cas’ sassy personality in all it’s glory shines uninhibited when he snaps “And I drank it!”
The proceeding scenes are also worthy of note with Cas beckoning Sam close and whispering in his ear, “Don’t ask stupid questions.” Not much later Dean asks the still sloshed angel, “Where have you been?” Cas shoots back “on a bender” without missing a beat.
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2) “If I plan to do anything else stupid, I’ll let you know.”
Sassy Cas was on full display at the beginning of this season 12 episode. After Cas kills Billie to save the Winchesters, tensions run high between Dean and Castiel. Dean is convinced killing the reaper was a “stupid, knee-jerk” choice which leads to a tense passive-aggressive exchange between the two on the way to investigate the murder of a member of Castiel’s old garrison. When the Winchesters ask why they can’t accompany him to question Ishim, Cas fires back with this witty retort as he departs.
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3) “Hey assbutt!”
In this season 5 finale, the epic apocalyptic battle between Michael and Lucifer had come to fruition. Dean agrees on letting Sam be the host for Lucifer. Sam intends to take back control of his body afterwards and jump into Lucifer’s cage in Hell, thereby trapping Lucifer and stopping the apocalypse. The plan is an epic failure. Jump to an empty cemetery where we see Lucifer standing and Michael, who now possesses Adam Milligan the Winchesters half-brother arrives. Just before they get underway, Dean arrives on scene and tries to get through to Sam. Michael becomes furious of Dean’s interruption and confronts him just as Castiel and Bobby arrive. Adding some comic relief Castiel shouts “Hey assbutt!” throwing a Molotov cocktail of Holy Oil on Michael, forcing him to temporarily vanish. Lucifer, outraged at Cas’s action, blows him up with a snap of his fingers.
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4) “Maybe one day, but today you’re my little bitch.”
Cas is lovingly referred to as a baby in a trenchcoat, but make no mistake he is one angel who knows how to kick ass. In this iconic season 5 moment, the archangel Raphael directly threatened him, and not only does Cas stand his ground, but he throws some major sass back at the archangel.
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5) “My ‘People Skills’ are ‘Rusty.'”
In my opinion, one of the more quoted lines Castiel ever said, mostly because of the humor he brought to this scene with his finger quotes. Cas needs help from Sam and Dean in dealing with a situation that requires talking to people, something Cas has issues with on most occasions. As he describes the reason he needs their help, he uses the air quotes because it has been brought to his attention on more than on occasion he has no ‘people skills’.
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6) “At least I don’t look like a lumberjack.”
Characters in the show always seem to poke fun at Castiel for wearing the same outfit time and time again. In season 13 episode 7 “Rock Never Dies,” Castiel, Crowley, Sam and Dean take on Los Angeles in pursuit of Lucifer, who is currently using rockstar Vince Vincente as his vessel. Sam and Dean are waiting in a hotel lobby for the angel and demon to arrive, and as soon as Castiel does, Dean makes a comment about his garb saying “Hey. You consider switching up your duds there? Bit stiff for this town.” Sam soon comes to to Cas’ defense suggesting he could be an agent of something. As soon as Dean says he could be “maybe a third-tier agent,” Castiel quips “At least I don’t look like a lumberjack.”
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7) “Because that makes it so much better.”
In this season 13 episode, Castiel returns to the bunker to find that Dean has gone to the apocalypse world to try and rescue Mary and Jack. Frustrated at the idea of Dean there alone, Sam quickly informs him that Ketch also went with Dean. Castiel’s responding exasperation with Winchester logic hits a new high and his answering response is positively dripping with sarcasm. And given Ketch’s history, who can blame him?
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8) “Why is six afraid of seven? … I assume it’s because seven is a prime number and prime numbers can be intimidating.”
An Enochian riddle is no match for Castiel in season 9 episode 22 “Stairway to Heaven.” He’ll take your wordplay and find the most possible logical answer to it — every time. And he owns it, right or wrong. Prime numbers are intimidating; what’s stronger than a number that can only be taken down by itself? This answer was far better than the classic “because 7-8-9” and it just embodies Cas and his lack of understanding even simple metaphors and jokes. Bonus, we got a Lord of the Rings mention right after this, and in Castiel’s defense, Gandalf couldn’t figure out his door of Durin either.
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9) “Dean… you’re not a talking dog.”
Someone had to break that awkward silence following Dean’s enthusiastic “Scooby-dooby-DOO,” and straight-faced as ever Castiel does just that. While they spent the majority of the episode as two-dimensional cartoons, it’s at the very end of the episode we see Cas’ sassy return to bluntly remind Dean that Scooby-Doo isn’t real.
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10) “Rude, for one thing.”
Cas is a little… off when he wakes up in the mental health facility after taking on Sam’s vivid Hell hallucinations. However, it didn’t dampen his ability to come up with truly snappy comebacks. When his fellow angels show up to question him and retrieve Kevin, the prophet, they ask him about the threats he made when previously in Heaven. “What the hell was that?!” receives an almost innocent sounding but no less sarcastic and blunt rebuttal of “Rude, for one thing.”
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11) “Yeah, you know what I like about him? He’s sarcastic but he’s thoughtful and appreciative too.”
Season 12 Episode 10, “Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets.” Dean, Cas, and Sam are driving in the impala for what is a very tense and quiet car ride. Sam tries to lighten the mood by asking Cas questions about the angel Benjamin but Dean only makes the situation worse with snide remarks. Cas’ answering sarcasm hits a whole new level as he simultaneously describes Benjamin and snubs Dean with this line. It makes for a tense and hilarious scene between these characters. One thing we learned from this episode: Cas will speak up when he’s angry. Don’t make him angry.
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BONUS: “I Don’t get words wrong.”
Season 13 Episode 14, “Good Intentions.” While trying to get the ingredients they need to reopen the rift and find Mary and Jack, Dean and Cas have to summon Gog and Magog. When they do not show up right away, Dean asks if Cas said a word wrong. Cas snaps at the insinuation that he made a mistake with “I don’t get words wrong.” Aside from the two giant men that appear to fight them and argue about whether Dean or Cas is prettier, there is even more comedy when Dean begins laughing about them wearing loincloths. This scene has a few top Castiel sass moments in it, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.
From season four to fourteen we watch Castiel evolve from a military angel following Heaven’s orders to becoming a member of the Winchester family. Through all his ups and downs, he never loses that unique brand of sarcasm and humor that is Cas. Though there is only one season left of Supernatural we are sure it will also have several amazing one-liners from our favorite sassy angel. Here’s to 11 amazing years of Castiel!
