‘Riverdale’: The Best One-Liners From Season 1

Megan
8 Min Read
The CW

With Riverdale officially coming to an end after the upcoming seventh season on Wednesday, March 29, it’s time to look back at some of the best moments from the show. In the midst of craziness, the show has been known to have some pretty great and iconic lines so we are taking a look back at those in our new one-liners series, going all the way back to season 1!

“Chapter One: The River’s Edge”

Riverdale
Katie Yu/The CW
  • Jughead: “The name of our town is Riverdale.”
  • Alice: “May Jason Blossom burn in Hell.”
  • Kevin: “Six more reasons for you to take that ginger bull by the horns tonight.”
  • Kevin: “Betty and Archie aren’t dating, but they are endgame.”
  • Veronica: “I’m Breakfast at Tiffany’s, but this place is strictly In Cold Blood.”
  • Veronica: “10 minutes in, and I’m already the Blue Jasmine of Riverdale High.”
  • Veronica: “Sorry, Cherylbombshell, my specialty’s ice.”
  • Veronica: “You shady bitch.”
  • Fred: “Whatever you decide, be confident enough in it that you don’t have to lie.”
  • Cheryl: “I’m in the mood for chaos.”

“Chapter Two: Touch of Evil”

Diyah Pera/The CW
  • Cheryl: “The weather’s predicting a downpour on the night of the rally, but already, you’re raining on my parade.”
  • Cheryl: “Butt out, closet monster.”
  • Veronica: “That’s either psychotic, or brilliant, or both.”
  • Veronica: “I’m back to being the shallow, toxic, rich bitch who ruins everything in her path.”
  • Alice: “A little sage to banish the evil spirits.”
  • Betty: “Sometimes it’s hard to admit things to yourself.”
  • Reggie: “Was it some sort of pervy, blood brother thing?”
  • Jughead: “So why don’t we both just do that bro thing where we nod like douches and mutually suppress our emotions?”

“Chapter Three: Body Double”

Diyah Pera/The CW
  • Veronica: “Well, I don’t follow rules, I make them, and when necessary, I break them.”
  • Chuck: “Okay, that high-toned bitch attitude may have worked on the betas you dated in New York, but you’re in Bulldog territory.”
  • Ethel: “They’re ruining our lives and to them, it’s just a game.”
  • Jughead: “I’d love to stay, but I got to shake down an evil Adventure Scout.”
  • Jughead: “They walked through the fire and survived.”
  • Alice: “Park Avenue princess to cater-waiter.”

“Chapter Four: The Last Picture Show”

Dean Buscher/The CW
  • Veronica: “Your booty tutor?”
  • Veronica: “You may be a stock character from a ’90s teen movie, but I’m not.”
  • Betty: “I learned that from the Nancy Drew detective handbook.”
  • Betty: “Tomorrow morning, when we wake up, the world will yet again change.”
  • Hermione: “Old Riverdale’s dying.”

“Chapter Five: Heart of Darkness”

Diyah Pera/The CW
  • Veronica: “Betty, you’re positively radiating Nicholas Sparks.”
  • Cheryl: “Sorry to interrupt Sad Breakfast Club …”
  • Jughead: “Dead men tell no tales.”
  • Jughead: “Now that Jason was buried in the earth, it would only be a matter of time before something poisonous bloomed.”
  • Nana Rose: “I’ve lost a grandson, but you lost the love of your young life.”

“Chapter Six: Faster, Pussycats! Kill! Kill!”

Diyah Pera/The CW
  • Val: “Singing makes you vulnerable in a way that football doesn’t.”
  • Josie: “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”
  • Josie: “Yeah, but I know dysfunctional families.”
  • Veronica: “You literally have zero loyalty, you ginger Judas!”
  • Jughead: “We’re all crazy.”
  • Jughead: “Fear that there’s one more boogeyman waiting at the end of the dark hall.”

“Chapter Seven: In a Lonely Place”

Katie Yu/The CW
  • FP: “The prodigal son returns.”
  • FP: “You don’t step on them, they got no reason to bite.”
  • Veronica: “She needs to make the next move.”
  • Veronica: “We feint, we parry, we approach, we retreat.”
  • Cheryl: “Face facts, Mommie Dearest.”

“Chapter Eight: The Outsiders”

Dean Buscher/The CW
  • Archie: “This is your legacy, which makes it mine, too.”
  • Archie: “War is hell, Jug.”
  • Jughead: “No, Archie, war is other people.”
  • Jughead: “That’s a true Gordian knot.”
  • Kevin: “Besides, of course, the child-snatching Blossom monsters.”
  • Fred: “I will come after you with everything I’ve got.”
  • Cheryl: “Nana has dementia and gypsy blood.”
  • Alice: “This is occultism at its most ludicrous.”

“Chapter Nine: La Grande Illusion”

Diyah Pera/The CW
  • Veronica: “Famous last words, Archiekins.”
  • Cheryl: “It’s no wonder they descended upon us like some biblical plague.”
  • Cheryl: “That was a joke, you hobo.”
  • Cheryl: “You’re looking extremely DILF-y today.”
  • Alice: “Archie Andrews is our fox in the henhouse.”
  • Fred: “I’m sick of you people using me and my family as pawns.”
  • Jughead: “A storm of chaos named Cheryl Blossom.”

“Chapter Ten: The Lost Weekend”

Cate Cameron/The CW
  • Cheryl: “Shoo, bitches.”
  • Cheryl: “Wanna team up for a little destruction, Chuck?”
  • Betty: “I’m all about the beast within.”
  • Veronica: “They’re agents of chaos, Kevin.”
  • Veronica: “And the plot thickens.”
  • Jughead: “You’re the perfect girl next door.”
  • Jughead: “I’m the damaged loner outsider from the wrong side of the tracks.”
  • Jughead: “I’ve got layers.”
  • Val: “I broke up with you because I thought you were a hot mess.”
  • Kevin: “This is riveting, I can’t breathe.”

Honorable Mention

Jughead: “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m weird. I’m a weirdo. I don’t fit in, and I don’t want to fit in. Have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on? That’s weird.”

“Chapter Eleven: To Riverdale and Back Again”

Katie Yu/The CW
  • Cheryl: “Because, Nightmare Smurfette.”
  • Cheryl: “Hands off, Gollum.”
  • Jughead: “So the worm turns.”
  • Kevin: “You all need tracking devices.”
  • Mary: “I feel like Riverdale is getting ready to slide off of a mountainside, and I don’t want you anywhere around when that happens.”

“Chapter Twelve: Anatomy of a Murder”

Bettina Strauss/The CW
  • Jughead: “I’ve been waiting my whole life for that man to do the right thing, and I’m done.”
  • Penelope: “Nothing could be more purely Blossom than those babies.”
  • Veronica: “Not much money in local crime and villainy, huh?”
  • Kevin: “Nancy Drew strikes again.”
  • Hermione: “Everyone makes mistakes.”

“Chapter Thirteen: The Sweet Hereafter”

Katie Yu/The CW
  • Jughead: “It was the ultimate cliffhanger.”
  • Fred: “I thought I knew this town.”
  • Fred: “Riverdale is at a crossroads, and I think you are, too.”
  • Betty: “Why are people so afraid of the truth?”
  • Betty: “We’re just as bad as this whole town.”
  • Penelope: “Better The Sweet Hereafter than this awful limbo.”
  • Cheryl: “I’ve shed my tears for the Blossom men.”
  • Veronica: “I’ll just sexually manipulate Archie into doing my bidding.”
  • Veronica: “It’s positively Dickensian.”

Honorable Mention

Jughead: “Imagine this instant, frozen in time. People will look back at this as the exact moment that last bit of Riverdale’s innocence finally died. When darkness won. Marked by an act of violence, that was anything but random.”

Keep a lookout for our next article in the Riverdale one-liners series! In the meantime, watch all six seasons of Riverdale now on Netflix. Check out our other coverage on the series here. Season 7 premieres on Wednesday, March 29 at 9 p.m. EST on The CW.

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By Megan
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Megan has been passionate about writing since she was little and has been passionate about all things pop culture and nerdy since almost as long. Joining Nerds and Beyond in 2019, she also graduated from the University of Wisconsin Oshkosh in 2020 with a Bachelor of Arts in Multimedia Journalism. Megan is constantly binge-watching shows and finding new things to obsess over. 9-1-1 and Marvel currently reign as the top obsessions. You can find her on Twitter @marvels911s if you ever want to discuss some certain firefighters.
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