The second episode of season six of Brooklyn Nine-Nine blesses us with the truly iconic origin story of detectives Hitchcock and Scully. It starts with a “wet and wild” flashback to 1986, in which Young Scully (played by Titan’s Alan Ritchson) and Young Hitchcock (played by GLOW’s Wyatt Nash) are hot, ripped, and undercover; busting the infamous mafia boss Gio Costa. They capture him with the help of their CI, who turns out to be Gio’s girlfriend Marissa.
Flash forward thirty-three years to the present, and Holt has called Peralta and Boyle into his office because someone in Internal Affairs has called to inform him that they are re-opening the decades old case. Holt thinks it might be Commissioner Kelly trying to stir up trouble for the Nine-Nine as continued retaliation for Holt complaining about him to the mayor. Holt assigns Peralta and Boyle to investigate and try to get ahead of Internal Affairs. Boyle and Peralta are also fighting amongst themselves because Boyle was contacted by a bearded forty-two year old man claiming to be his adopted son’s fifteen year old brother and Peralta wants Boyle to see that it is a scam. Elsewhere in the office, tensions are mounting between the “upstairs people” (Terry and Rosa) and the “downstairs people” (Amy) about the mess in the break room.
Peralta and Boyle interrogate Hitchcock and Scully about the events of the case. They say that when they took down Costa they intercepted a ton of coke and three duffel bags of cash. Unfortunately they share a photo of them posing with the duffels (“meow!” – Boyle) and Peralta spots that there are in fact FOUR duffel bags in the photo. Hitchcock and Scully feign ignorance, claiming that they “just missed” the fourth bag because they are “dumb-dumbs.” Peralta is suspicious and presses harder but the old bumbling detectives shut down. They claim to be victims of a “witch hunt” and “fake news”, which is “definitely the language of the innocent” according to Peralta. Later, they even call Peralta’s bluff of holding them indefinitely in the interrogation room by promising to turn it into a “dutch oven.” But, they also attempt to prove their innocence by providing their bank statements and receipts to prove how broke they are. Their folder of receipts includes monthly payments for a parking spot at their favorite restaurant, “Wing Slutz.” Peralta is convinced that it must be for something illegal, since Scully has already told them he doesn’t own a car, so they head to “Wing Slutz.” When they arrive they find a sketchy van called “The Beaver Trap” (that doubles as Hitchcock’s home between marriages.) Hitchcock and Scully trap them inside “The Beaver Trap” and take off. Inside the van, Peralta and Boyle find the mysterious fourth duffel, and it’s empty.
Back in the Nine-Nine, Holt is preparing to speak to the press against Commissioner Kelly and refuses to engage in the fight between “the upstairs” and “the downstairs” which reaches its peak when Amy puts some suspicious fish into the microwave, causing the entire microwave to explode. In the van, Boyle and Peralta manage to break out and find Hitchcock and Scully at the Wing Slutz. It turns out their former CI Marissa has been working there as the manager, and part of their obsession with the chain restaurant stems from them keeping tabs on her all these years. And that they gave the money from the fourth duffel bag to her. Commissioner Kelly shows up at the precinct trying to rattle Holt, but reveals that Internal Affairs were not the ones that called about Scully and Hitchcock, and they realize that the call must have come from Costa himself. Holt immediately calls Peralta and Boyle, but Costa has already tracked them to the restaurant so they barricade themselves inside.
Without any bullet proof vests or adequate firepower, Scully and Hitchcock strap buckets of “Slutz Sauce” to their chest (“you don’t think this sauce is solid? Tell that to my rock hard arteries”) despite misgivings from Peralta. They bust out the doors to find that Holt and the Nine-Nine are on the scene and have apprehended Costa. Costa breaks free though, and fires at Marisa, but Hitchcock and Scully dive in front of her in an act of bravery, the bullets being stopped by their buckets of “Slutz Sauce.”
Back in the precinct, Holt informs Hitchcock and Scully that IA has given them probationary desk duty for a year as punishment for stealing the fourth bag of money. They are thrilled. Boyle admits to Peralta that he researched his adopted son’s family and discovered the Nikolaj has a thirty-four year old half brother. Holt apologizes to the squad for not intervening in the office tension sooner and for putting his agenda ahead of the needs of the precinct.
The episode closes with a second flashback, revealing how Scully and Hitchcock lost their rock hard bods. They pay Marissa a visit at “Wing Slutz” and she offers them some free wings as a token of her gratitude. Needless to say, they are hooked.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine airs Thursdays at 9pm on NBC.