Friday, January 21, 2022

Like a Fine Wine: A Comprehensive Wine Pairing Guide for the Vision Varieties in ‘WandaVision’

WandaVision may be over, but that doesn’t mean we still can’t enjoy one of the greatest gifts it gave us — an assorted pack of Visions for every mood and occasion. While you’re getting ready for your rewatch, we thought it would be a good idea to come up with a comprehensive list of wines one can enjoy with their favorite Vision presentation. Enjoy.

Author disclaimer: I am not a wine connoisseur, forgive me.

Vision Disassembled

Marvel/Disney+

Pros:

  • Good for travel
  • Perfect for sneaking into places Vision isn’t allowed
  • Changes colors
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Cons

  • Messy
  • Hard to assemble
  • Kind of sad

Pairing: Grapes

Professor Vision is Speaking Now

Marvel/Disney+

Pros:

  • Probably willing to give extra credit
  • Gentle as a butterfly
  • Probably smells like rich mahogany

Cons:

  • Jacket may be scratchy
  • Probably has an early bedtime
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Pairing: Port

A White Vision, No!

Marvel/Disney+

Pros:

  • Capable of reason after a macho man episode
  • Has the Hollywood explosion walk down to a science
  • Deep voice

Cons:

  • Boring
  • Fight first talk later mentality
  • Too monochrome

Pairing: The cheapest boxed supermarket wine

On This Farm There Was a Vision …

Marvel/Disney+

Pros:

  • Ready for a hard day’s work
  • Even more ready for quenching thirst

Cons:

  • A little too earthy

Pairing: Homemade Beet Wine from Schrute Farms

An Absolute Vision-ary

Marvel/Disney+

Pros:

  • Perfect to serenade someone with “Yakety Yak”
  • Great at dinner parties
  • Can save someone from choking
  • A definite “can’t go wrong” option; perfection

Cons:

  • Isn’t available all times of day due to other engagements
  • Too pure to create diversions

Pairing: Champagne

A Vision a Day Keeps the Doctor Away

Marvel/Disney+

Pros:

  • Perfect for everyday wear
  • Great to enjoy at home or at a restaurant
  • Versatile

Cons

  • Stickler for rules

Pairing: Pinot Noir

Vision – Big Red Robot

Marvel/Disney+

Pros:

  • Smells like Big Red gum
  • Funny guy
  • The cardigan is downright irresistible and definitely cozy

Cons:

  • Gets a little gummed up easily

Pairing: Pinot Grigio

The Loss of a Vision Teardrop

Marvel/Disney+

Pros:

  • Epitome of comfort
  • Makes you feel like home
  • Knows just what to say

Cons

  • Can’t stay
  • May or not be a product of chaos

Pairing: None, don’t drink because you’re sad

A Vision of Halloween Suburban Dad

Marvel/Disney+

Pros:

  • Cute as a button with a hint of “don’t cross me”
  • Strong dad vibes
  • High pec accentuation and hidden Mind Stone undertones

Cons

  • Not bright enough to grab the attention of zombified town residents
  • Less than ideal for flight due to loose shorts

Pairing: Dry Riesling

Is He Glamor? Is He Illusion? Either Way, He’s a Vision

Marvel/Disney+

Pros:

  • One word: Magical
  • Very fast
  • Good at magic tricks; almost too good
  • Hilarious

Cons:

  • Definitely under the influence of something
  • Inhibited by human norms

Pairing: Cabernet Sauvignon

A Soft and Sensitive Vision of a Man

Marvel/Disney+

Pros:

  • Would 100% buy you chocolate to make you feel better
  • Would watch a chick flick with you
  • Gives great advice

Cons:

  • Hard to decide if it’s better with the sweater on or off
  • A little nervous

Pairing: Merlot

80s Daddy Vision

Pros:

  • Perfect for fashionably digging graves
  • Looks great while levitating
  • Optional jacket easily masks snatched waist when needed

Cons:

  • Too spicy for your wife to be willing to have a serious conversation with while wearing
  • Might make you sweat

Pairing: (Extra) Spicy Mulled Wine

The entirety of WandaVision is now available on Disney+.

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