Sunday, October 17, 2021

Like a Fine Wine: A Comprehensive Wine Pairing Guide for the Vision Varieties in ‘WandaVision’

WandaVision may be over, but that doesn’t mean we still can’t enjoy one of the greatest gifts it gave us — an assorted pack of Visions for every mood and occasion. While you’re getting ready for your rewatch, we thought it would be a good idea to come up with a comprehensive list of wines one can enjoy with their favorite Vision presentation. Enjoy.

Author disclaimer: I am not a wine connoisseur, forgive me.

Vision Disassembled

Marvel/Disney+

Pros:

  • Good for travel
  • Perfect for sneaking into places Vision isn’t allowed
  • Changes colors
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Cons

  • Messy
  • Hard to assemble
  • Kind of sad

Pairing: Grapes

Professor Vision is Speaking Now

Marvel/Disney+

Pros:

  • Probably willing to give extra credit
  • Gentle as a butterfly
  • Probably smells like rich mahogany

Cons:

  • Jacket may be scratchy
  • Probably has an early bedtime
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Pairing: Port

A White Vision, No!

Marvel/Disney+

Pros:

  • Capable of reason after a macho man episode
  • Has the Hollywood explosion walk down to a science
  • Deep voice

Cons:

  • Boring
  • Fight first talk later mentality
  • Too monochrome

Pairing: The cheapest boxed supermarket wine

On This Farm There Was a Vision …

Marvel/Disney+

Pros:

  • Ready for a hard day’s work
  • Even more ready for quenching thirst

Cons:

  • A little too earthy

Pairing: Homemade Beet Wine from Schrute Farms

An Absolute Vision-ary

Marvel/Disney+

Pros:

  • Perfect to serenade someone with “Yakety Yak”
  • Great at dinner parties
  • Can save someone from choking
  • A definite “can’t go wrong” option; perfection

Cons:

  • Isn’t available all times of day due to other engagements
  • Too pure to create diversions

Pairing: Champagne

A Vision a Day Keeps the Doctor Away

Marvel/Disney+

Pros:

  • Perfect for everyday wear
  • Great to enjoy at home or at a restaurant
  • Versatile

Cons

  • Stickler for rules

Pairing: Pinot Noir

Vision – Big Red Robot

Marvel/Disney+

Pros:

  • Smells like Big Red gum
  • Funny guy
  • The cardigan is downright irresistible and definitely cozy

Cons:

  • Gets a little gummed up easily

Pairing: Pinot Grigio

The Loss of a Vision Teardrop

Marvel/Disney+

Pros:

  • Epitome of comfort
  • Makes you feel like home
  • Knows just what to say

Cons

  • Can’t stay
  • May or not be a product of chaos

Pairing: None, don’t drink because you’re sad

A Vision of Halloween Suburban Dad

Marvel/Disney+

Pros:

  • Cute as a button with a hint of “don’t cross me”
  • Strong dad vibes
  • High pec accentuation and hidden Mind Stone undertones

Cons

  • Not bright enough to grab the attention of zombified town residents
  • Less than ideal for flight due to loose shorts

Pairing: Dry Riesling

Is He Glamor? Is He Illusion? Either Way, He’s a Vision

Marvel/Disney+

Pros:

  • One word: Magical
  • Very fast
  • Good at magic tricks; almost too good
  • Hilarious

Cons:

  • Definitely under the influence of something
  • Inhibited by human norms

Pairing: Cabernet Sauvignon

A Soft and Sensitive Vision of a Man

Marvel/Disney+

Pros:

  • Would 100% buy you chocolate to make you feel better
  • Would watch a chick flick with you
  • Gives great advice

Cons:

  • Hard to decide if it’s better with the sweater on or off
  • A little nervous

Pairing: Merlot

80s Daddy Vision

Pros:

  • Perfect for fashionably digging graves
  • Looks great while levitating
  • Optional jacket easily masks snatched waist when needed

Cons:

  • Too spicy for your wife to be willing to have a serious conversation with while wearing
  • Might make you sweat

Pairing: (Extra) Spicy Mulled Wine

The entirety of WandaVision is now available on Disney+.

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Kaity
Kaity started with Harry Potter in second grade and it’s been a losing battle ever since, or maybe a winning one ... She lives in New England with a small herd of cats, two dogs, three chinchillas, and one daughter. Her main fandoms are Marvel, The Umbrella Academy, Star Wars, and Lord of the Rings, with special emphasis on one vibranium shield-wielding Super Soldier. Contact: kaity@nerdsandbeyond.com

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