Zava is gone to farm his zavocados with his family, and the team is on a vicious losing streak. With his job (unknowingly) on the line, Ted needs to find a solution and fast.
The Greyhounds can’t even win an exhibition match. They lost 5-0 against an Amsterdam team, and to make up for it, Rebecca wants to have a night out. However, Leslie has other plans in the Red Light District, and so does Keeley; Jack is flying her to Norway to see the Aurora Borealis. When Roy asks Rebecca where Keeley is running off to, she responds Keeley’s off to someone who believes they deserve her and then promptly beats a picture of Zava off the wall.
In an effort to boost morale, Ted cancels curfew for the night, allowing the team a free night in Amsterdam. Everyone except for Jamie, who does not get the same reprieve from Roy. Jamie gives Roy an Amsterdam sightseeing tour as they jog through the streets, and as Rebecca strolls along alone, she falls over the railing of a bridge into the river as she hangs up a call with Sassy, and a man on his porch calls out to her. He helps her out of the water, and in a show of solidarity with her, he also tosses his phone into the water.
Try Something New
As Beard and Ted get ready for the night, Ted texts Rebecca and asks if she wants to hang out before Beard inquires if he’s found a restaurant yet. He hasn’t, and in his search, Ted confesses he needs to try something new and exciting to try and get him out of his funk. Beard expresses his excitement over this, stating he’s been waiting so long for Ted to get there finally.
The team debates how they’ll be spending their night in the lobby until Jan Maas says his cousin is DJing an all-night private party that ends with breakfast in the morning. Colin bows out, and the team decides against Jan’s party as it’s a two-hour drive away. Splitting up is out of the question as well, so the arguing continues.
Rebecca finds herself alone in her rescuer’s boat (who seems to be a big fan of Dutch aviation and has a young daughter), though he did leave her some tea, Jamie and Roy are still running (though Roy is more limping), and Leslie is leading Will to the Red Light District where it turns out all he wanted to do was visit a memorial to his favorite jazz musician Chet Baker, who died falling out of a window.
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The Debate Continues
Beard makes mushroom tea for him and Ted, but Ted can’t pull himself to drink it. Probably more because of the fact that it’s tea rather than the psychedelics hidden within it. And in the lobby, the team continues to try and decide where to go, finally agreeing that Jan’s party is the best option after some help from the hotel staff, putting the final nail in Van Damme’s live sex show request’s coffin. When the debate turns to where they should head for dinner, Colin slips out, and Trent follows.
After patching up a cut on her ankle (with a little kiss…), Rebecca’s savior offers to cook dinner while they wait for her clothes to dry. He has a bin of his ex’s clothes for her to find something to wear in the meantime, and Rebecca finally agrees to a drink after an offer for a foot massage goes denied. Meanwhile, Roy stops his and Jamie’s run, asking how he knows so much about Amsterdam because he doesn’t know a fucking thing, and Jamie decides they need to find some bikes.
Ted’s tea is still untouched while Beard’s trip has already begun, and Ted releases Beard to enjoy his night before eventually drinking almost all of his tea and leaving. Trent catches Colin at a gay bar, and the two confront each other in the street after Colin leaves in a panic, Trent telling Colin that he’s known for months and hasn’t said a word, so it must be for good reason.
It’s Like Riding a Bike
Rebecca is having a great time, singing and sharing stories, while Jamie gets two stolen bikes for himself and Roy. One catch, Roy never learned to ride a bike. So, now it’s time for the apprentice to teach the master. Roy ends up mastering it enough to chase Jamie down the street, and now Jamie’s really in trouble.
Trent details his journey of self-discovery to Colin, sharing he had a daughter and a wife before coming out as gay. Trent is amazed Colin can hold onto his secret as a professional athlete, and Colin says he treats it as two lives — a work life and a dating life. But Dr. Sharon had helped him establish he doesn’t want to have two lives, but he also doesn’t want to become a spokesperson for gay athletes. He just wants to be treated normally.
Ted finds himself looking at van Gogh’s art, and the museum attendant gives him the speech he needed about always finding beauty. And while Ted gets the inspiration he needed, Isaac is trying to wrangle the team into finding a way to spend the night, getting a napkin with the final decision. On their bike ride, Jamie details some of the trauma he was dealt at the hands of his father as they both apologize for their behavior that day, and Roy tells Jamie he thinks Keeley has a girlfriend.
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Taste of Home, Stroke of Genius
The dryer dings on Rebecca’s clothes, but to keep their evening going, they pour water straight on them, leaving her stranded longer in this perfect evening. Ted’s getting a taste of home, watching an old basketball game with some American food, when his tea kicks in, and he hallucinates Nate in the restaurant. Then, he gives himself a lesson on triangles, or maybe the mushrooms do. In the process, he comes up with the spark he needs to get the team back on track, and yes, it’s about triangles.
The team opts for a pillow fight while Leslie plays bass in a jazz club, and Trent and Colin enjoy their night at the gay bar, Rebecca continues her evening on the boat, and Jamie and Roy sightsee to their heart’s content.
The Next Morning
Without exchanging names but sharing a kiss, Rebecca leaves the boat and heads to the bus for the ride home. Everyone slowly filters in from their evening, Beard dressed like David Bowie with a pig’s nose (Piggy Stardust). He checks in with Ted, who’s still scribbling madly in a notebook, where Beard reveals that the tea was a dud, meaning Ted’s idea was entirely his own. His idea is to let the players play fast-paced and free, and it turns out this has been done before, right here in Holland, and it’s called total football.
When Rebecca enters the bus, Ted checks in since all his texts went unanswered, and she tells him her phone is at the bottom of a lake. Roy and Jamie are the final two to arrive, and Rebecca is still concerning Ted slightly with her carefree attitude, especially when she and Beard (and then the entire bus) begin singing Bob Marley as the bus drives off back to England.
Top Ted-isms of the Week
“That’s like hiding poop in a smoothie of barf.”
“Mercy buckets.” (Ted’s merci beaucoup?)
“Pyramid ain’t nothin’ but a triangle. Actually, three triangles all leaning on each other.”
Ted Lasso season 3, episode 7 will premiere exclusively on Apple TV+ Wednesday, April 26.