A Look Back at the Most Excellent One-Liners From the Bill & Ted Franchise

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Orion Pictures

It’s no secret that Bill and Ted ruled the late ’80s through the ’90s. Ed Solomon and Chris Matheson’s genius writing produced two of the most quoted movies in cinematic history. With the release of Bill & Ted Face the Music finally coming this August, we decided to look back at a few of our favorite one-liners throughout the franchise.

“All we are is dust in the wind, dude.”

After Bill and Ted travel back to 410 B.C. Athens Greece, they run into Socrates, or So-crates as they refer to him as. When Bill tells Ted to “philos-o-phize” with him, this iconic line is born. It seemed to work pretty well, too.

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“Put them in the Iron Maiden.”

In Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Bill and Ted are still collecting notable historical figures when they find themselves meeting the Princesses in England. They attempt to free them from their castle and their arranged marriages, but when they try to leave with them, the girls’ father catches them and tells them to put Bill and Ted in the Iron Maiden. Ted clearly misinterprets exactly what Iron Maiden they are speaking of.

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“Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.”

Upon Rufus’ arrival in his time machine, he greets Bill and Ted. After Ted asks him if he knows when the Mongols ruled China, Rufus tells them he’s there to help them with their history report. After being questioned, the future Bill and Ted show up and past Bill and Ted were clearly floored.

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“If you guys are really us, what number are we thinking of?”

Still at Circle K, trying to figure out how they are going to ace their oral history report, Rufus serves as a saving grace from the future. In his time machine, the future Bill and Ted exit. When the past Bill and Ted are noticeably uncertain about their twins being them, Ted asks what number they are thinking of, and, well, you get the idea.

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“Now, Ted, who was Joan of Arc?”

Mr. Ryan (Bernie Casey) asks Ted to stand up and answer a history question about Joan of Arc. Noah’s wife wasn’t exactly correct, but we give him an E for effort.

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“That was non-non-non-non-heinous!”

Ah, a quadruple negative bred from the Kings of eloquent speaking. Bill was attempting to describe what his first time in Hell was like. Once you unravel the quadruple negative, all he was really trying to say was that Hell was heinous, and we trust him.

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“I do not believe we will get Eddie Van Halen until we have a triumphant video.”

After blowing an amp before school in their practice space trying to film their music video, Bill agrees that their band will be most triumphant one day. But it won’t be a super band until they have Eddie Van Halen on guitar. Ted disagrees.

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“You totally killed Ted, you medieval dickweed!”

While in England, before they attempted to sweep the Princesses off in the time machine with them, they encountered a few of the King’s Knights. After Ted falls down the stairs and Bill assumes they have killed Ted after seeing a sword go through the suit of armor he was disguised in, Bill seeks retribution for his dead (who’s not really dead) friend. Turns out Ted was just hiding.

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“You might be a King or a little street-sweeper, but sooner or later, you dance with The Reaper.”

The Duke of Spook, The Doc of Shock, Man With No Tan…The Reaper. William Sadler, who plays Death, performing with Bill and Ted in Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey is something everyone needs to see. I also suggest adding his rap to your next karaoke night for a little razzle-dazzle.

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“Be excellent to each other.”

When Bill and Ted go back into the future where their band, Wyld Stallions, and their music is the foundation of the society, Ted tells Bill to give them a few words of wisdom.

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The newest film to the franchise, Bill & Ted Face the Music, is scheduled to hit theaters on August 28.

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By Haley
Haley joined the Nerds and Beyond team in 2019 as a Writer and Editor. Her main fandoms include Criminal Minds, Wrestling, and The Walking Dead. You can find her on Twitter @haleyanne_.
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