The Hargreeves missed The Handler’s deadline; they’re stuck in the 60s. Allison has just “killed” one of The Swedes, Vanya has been knocked unconscious as she tried to escape with Sissy and Harlan, and Diego is at the Temps Commission with Lila, as her boyfriend, in The Handler’s office. Also, Doomsday still approaches and they’re not even a tiny bit closer to figuring out how to prevent that. Welcome to The Umbrella Academy, “The Seven Stages.”
The FBI? Uh oh. Vanya is under questioning, and somehow they’ve come to the conclusion she’s a KGB Agent. Her replying to the agent in Russian isn’t helping her case. Her powers begin to come alive and they end up sedating her. This doesn’t look good.
Every sibling for themselves now, according to a very scorned Five. Klaus goes off to find Allison, and Luther follows Five into Elliott’s house, where Five claims he now has to do the unthinkable. When it comes to Five, I don’t think anyone wants to know what’s unthinkable.
“So are we burnin’ or burying?” Klaus is the one you want on your side. Unfazed he looks at the dead Swede on Allison’s couch and rolls up his sleeves. That right there is true support. Speaking of Swedes, the final remaining of the three isn’t doing too well. And it looks like he just discovered his boss, The Handler, is a fraud.
Lila wants Diego on her security team, and she guarantees that Diego is a top notch fighter and her own personal responsibility. The Handler gives him a chance, and off to orientation Diego goes.
Back at D.S. Umbrella Manufacturing Company, Grace is rustling through everything, finding a secret room. In that room, she finds evidence that Reginald really may be trying to kill JFK. So perhaps she did heed Diego’s warning. She confronts Reginald about the photographs and Diego’s accusation, he neither confirms nor denies. Grace isn’t comforted by this one bit, and she leaves.
Five is heading out on a quest to find Five. Past Five was sent on a mission to this very day, 10 minutes earlier, by the Temps Commission to ensure the President is assassinated. He’s going to steal other Five’s briefcase and get everyone home. Somehow this plans seems like the opposite of foolproof, it’s really actually full-flawed. There are, of course, significant problems with this full-flawed plan: He is a trained assassin, arguably the most dangerous assassin in the space-time continuum, and you’re just not supposed to exist that close to yourself in the same timeline, the side effects can be … disastrous?! The Seven Stages of Paradox Psychosis:
- Denial
- Itching
- Extreme Thirst and Urination
- Excessive Gas
- Acute Paranoia
- Uncontrolled Perspiration
- Homicidal Rage
Oh good, he’s bringing Luther as a spotter to battle the psychosis. This is going to be great.
Carl is effectively turning Sissy against Vanya, convincing her that Vanya is a KGB Agent. Vanya is now undergoing some very archaic interrogation techniques at the FBI building strapped to a chair, her feet in water, wires ready to surge her with electrical currents at the spin of a dial. After a drop of LSD to the eye, Vanya goes on a trip. And not a pleasant one. She’s back at The Umbrella Academy home from her childhood, arriving late for a very uncomfortable looking family dinner with her father and siblings.
Five finds himself (much older in appearance, but also younger), briefcase and all, at an Irish pub. Luther brings up a great question, why can’t they just steal it and run? If the Five before them doesn’t make it back to his current time, the Five we know and love ceases to exist. So their only shot is to reason with him (Five’s self awareness is really lacking here) to just let them use it with him. With Five already showing signs of the first two stages of Paradox Psychosis, Luther decides to go first to break the ice.
“How the sh*t do you do that?” Diego is very intrigued about the Temps Commission and its mission to uphold the timeline, a.k.a control time. With a goodbye kiss, Lila leaves Diego to his orientation. Well, well, he is eager. Diego escapes the orientation room for a look around, alone.
Stuck between two Fives, Luther is trying to moderate this … conversation. Five is actually reasoning with older Five, telling him that in exchange for the briefcase, he’ll tell him how to properly calculate his own jump back to 2019 to avoid being stuck in a 15-year-old body. Also, the acute paranoia may be kicking in …
Infinite Switchboard 2589. The place that controls everything; Diego found it. With a “how hard can this be?” Diego starts plugging in wires and honestly, the cause of this upcoming Doomsday are becoming even more clear while simultaneously giving us more questions. Just one really — which one of them did it? Herb (Five’s old associate) interrupts and is introduced to “Diego with a knife.” Herb immediately gets on Diego’s good side by calling him a legend before Diego uses that title to convince Herb to help him look into JFK’s assassination on the current timeline, and they see a few things that are out of place. One, the FBI building blows up (Vanya is at the FBI building) and two, JFK is not shot. The US assumes it was the Soviets blowing up their building, and the war with Russia begins. There she is, the cause of Doomsday number two is the same as Doomsday number one: Vanya.
Vanya is the bomb. She will always be the bomb. -Diego
The Temps Commission has a resistance group, and they have the greatest gift for Diego — a briefcase.
Older Five has a new plan for Luther: ditch Five and head back to 2019, and make peace with Vanya so she doesn’t blow up the world. Also, kill the mutant doppelgänger Five. But which Five is right, which Five has Paradox Psychosis? Both? Luther is seemingly on board with older Five now … not good. Or is it?
At the FBI building, Vanya is still tripping on LSD, dreaming about her and her siblings eating brains as her father tries to force her out of her amnesia. The FBI agents turn up the electrical currents and things are about to go bad, fast.
Klaus, Allison, and Ray are still cleaning up Swede number 2 when Diego beams to them, Herb in tow. Allison has to say goodbye to Ray, probably for good, and thanks to the bombshell from Diego that Vanya destroys the world again in less than one hour, it’s a lot less than they deserve. The trio makes it to the FBI building as Reginald is pressing Vanya further in her own head, where he finally gets through her amnesia and forces her to remember everything.
Klaus, Allison, and Diego can hardly move once they reach the floor Vanya is on, her power is too strong. Every agent in the area is dead, but Vanya has not let up. Her deadly sound waves continue to pulse, with no ceasing in sight.
Vanya is the bomb. Five is in quite the predicament with himself, and we are minutes away from the moments that will seal the siblings’, and the world’s, fate. All 10 episodes of The Umbrella Academy season 2 are streaming on Netflix.
