Hitchcock and Scully have a garlic bread crisis – they forgot to bring some for their lasagna lunch. (“Mama Maglione!”) Will they be able to find some by the time their lasagna is done cooking? Read on to learn about Brooklyn Nine-Nine’s most action packed episode yet!
At the precinct, Rosa tells Jake that the internet is down and has been all morning. She also tells him that her girlfriend, Jocelyn (played by Cameron Esposito), is leaving town for two weeks, and wants to send her “flowers or something.” Rosa and Jake then watch Holt and the IT guy (Sergeant Knox, played by Sean Astin) and speculate. (“He’s upset!” “How can you tell?” “He’s pursing his lips and blinking in 8 second intervals instead of his usual 10. He’s clearly having a meltdown.”)
They approach Holt and he informs that he is in fact having a meltdown because a hacker is trying to break into their servers, specifically the server that holds clearance protected information (which holds the names of undercover agents). If it’s compromised, people could lose their lives. Knox spews a bunch of technical jargon at them (“I totally understand what you’re saying, but could you dumb it down for my friends here?” – Jake) and tells them that the hacker is almost through their defenses and they only have 20 minutes left to stop them. (“Mama Maglione!” Jake echoes.)
Jake is stoked to be in “full on action movie mode.” Unfortunately, Holt informs him that he has something in his teeth. Knox tells them that unless they can find a way to turn off the server, and their backup batteries, the hackers will get through. Holt tells him that he has the codes to wipe the servers’ memories (though doing so would delete the entire NYPD’s evidence data tracking base) but there’s just one problem: “Jake, you still have something in your teeth.” Because they only update the databases at the precinct level twice a year it means they would lose at least four months worth of evidence. Wiping the servers is not an option. They also deduce that because the hacker is attacking just the one server (and one that is not connected to the precinct’s internet) that the hacker must be somewhere inside the building. The hunt is on!
Meanwhile, Terry and Boyle have a large group of rowdy, mean, sorority sisters in the lockup over a huge brawl between feuding sororities. Unfortunately for Terry, they instantly begin criticizing his clothing, looks, and chin. Jake and Rosa tell them that there is a precinct wide emergency. Holt has put the whole building on lockdown and is assigning them floors to search. Rosa and Jake take the first floor and work their way up. Terry and Boyle are assigned the third floor and to work their way down. Amy then Facetimes Jake because she has “FOMOW” (fear of missing out on work) and is leaving her dentist appointment, mid appointment, because she learned the precinct is on lockdown. Just then, Rosa’s girlfriend Jocelyn steps off the elevator. She needs to talk to Rosa before she leaves for the airport. She’s decided to end things with Rosa because Rosa is always putting her work ahead of the relationship and Jocelyn is tired of never getting to spend time with her.
On the third floor, Terry and Boyle are looking for the hacker but having difficulty because the third floor is also packed with locked up sorority girls. Holt accidentally calls Hitchcock (“Damn, I thought I was calling Peralta”) while Hitchcock and Scully are at the nearest convenience store getting frozen garlic bread. Holt tells them about the crisis. They of course, assume he is talking about the lasagna. (“Don’t play dumb with me Raymond, what’s wrong with the lasagna!?”) Holt hangs up on them so they call Jake. He assures them that the lasagna is fine and they are instantly relieved. (“You’re a saint Jakey, I love you!” shouts Scully.) Rosa finds Jake and tells them they need to hurry up so that she can go talk to Jocelyn. She insists that Jocelyn is now dead to her but she has a plan: talk to Jocelyn, promise to change, get their relationship back to a good place and then “dump her ass so hard.” It turns out Rosa has never been dumped before (“I’m 12 and 0”) and doesn’t want to end her “winning streak.” Jake tells her she’s psychotic. He then gets another Facetime from Amy, who is now sprinting, with the dentist bib still around her neck.
After failing to locate the hacker on their floor search, the squad reconvenes in Holt’s office. Knox suggests that Holt wipe the servers because he is still having difficulty pinpointing the hacker’s location. Holt refuses, insisting that he won’t wipe the servers until the last possible second. At that moment alarms sound. The hacker has managed to unlock all of the holding cells. The sorority girls are loose. (“Everyone hide! Quick! Before they pick on your worst physical attributes!” screams Terry) Knox thinks the hacker did it to create a distraction because they are closing in on him. Rosa and Jake trap one of the girls in a supply room and she refuses to leave it. Rosa screams at her that she needs to get out because Jocelyn leaves in 3 minutes and she has to talk to her. Jake asks why she is so determined to talk to a girlfriend that she just plans on breaking up with, and Rosa confesses that it’s because she does actually love Jocelyn and wants to stay with her. But she feels compelled to keep up her tough facade and has difficulty admitting when she’s in the wrong. (“It’s weak and humiliating to love someone. I lie to make myself feel strong and normal.”) Rosa’s confession inspires the girl to leave the room and Rosa runs off to try and get Jocelyn back. She finds Jocelyn in the elevator, who still insists on leaving because she doesn’t think that Rosa can change. Unfortunately for Jocelyn, she is stopped by security because no one is allowed to leave the building while they are on lock down. Rosa then takes charge and bullies the cop into letting them leave. As Jocelyn is about to get into her cab, Amy leaps over it, having finally arrived. Amy asks why they are outside and Rosa replies “because I have a personal thing that’s more important.” Amy runs in shouting back “Oh yeah! Work life balance! That’s important, I have that too!”
In the elevator, Amy listens to Hitchcock and Scully (who have also finally returned after tracking down their garlic bread) frantically plan how to cook their frozen garlic bread. (“Set the microwave to 500!” “No you idiot, it will burn!” “Then wrap it in foil!” “The foil will stick to the cheese!” “IT’S A RISK WE’LL HAVE TO TAKE!”) Amy pushes past them to get off just as Jake finishes locking all of the sorority girls back into the holding cells. He tells her that they still haven’t found the hacker (much to her delight because she definitely has the “FOMOW”) but they are closing in. They meet up with the squad in Holt’s office. They are almost out of time and Holt admits that he might have to type in the sequence code that would erase the server’s memory. (“I never thought that typing an intricate series of numbers from memory would bring such sadness.”) Right after Amy introduces herself to Knox, his computer starts pinging. He claims that he has finally located the hacker and he is in room 103.
Jake, Rosa, Terry, and Boyle rush to room 103. They pass the kitchen where Hitchcock and Scully are still struggling with the garlic bread and the microwave. (“It’s still cold in the middle! We have to turn up the heat!” “But it’s already at 500!”) At room 103, the squad bust in to find…. No one! The room is empty and there is nothing plugged in to the internet port (which is how Knox claims to have tracked him.) This means only one thing. Knox has been behind the whole thing. They realize that there was no hacker and Knox has been trying to get Holt to delete the servers this whole time in order to get rid of evidence. This triggers Amy’s memory about where she recognizes him from. As they rush out, she explains that Knox is actually a murder suspect that was caught on a security camera. He shaved his beard to disguise himself and get in to delete the footage. The reason he sent them to room 103 was to get rid of Amy, who he knew would recognize him. They text Holt not to delete the servers and that Knox is behind it.
Holt receives the text (with 15 seconds to spare) and stalls in front of Knox, claiming that his husband texted him some “hot goss” that he must respond to. Unfortunately Knox catches on, and by the time Peralta and the rest of the team get off the elevator, he is holding Holt at gunpoint. He orders everyone to put their hands in the air. (“But the garlic bread! It’s going to burn!” wails Scully as he begrudgingly raises his hands.) Knox tells them that no one was supposed to get hurt, that he had planned this specifically because he knew Amy was going to be at the dentist and wouldn’t be there to recognize him. At this point, the burning garlic bread starts to smoke, which triggers the fire alarms. The alarms distract Knox and Terry and Jake are able to knock him over and disarm him. They cuff him and escort him into the lockup full of sorority sisters. (“Uh oh here he comes ladies! Look at this loose fit pants! And is that a braided belt?”)
Rosa and Jocelyn come back in. Jocelyn saw Rosa give up finding the hacker for her and decided not to leave. They proclaim this proudly to the precinct (“I chose my personal life over work!”) and unfortunately in front of Holt. (“You did WHAT?”) Jake tries to step in and take the blame. This backfires on Jake because Holt is now furious with both of them.
Back in the kitchen, Hitchcock and Scully mourn their ruined garlic bread. (“This is our lunch you self absorbed son of a b*tch!” they shout at Jake) He suggests that they just eat the lasagna without the garlic bread. They are stunned. This never occurred to them, but they decide to give it a try. Ninety six seconds later they eat their delicious lasagna in silence. The day has been saved.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine airs Thursdays at 9pm on NBC
